Confused Elderly Man Wanders Onto Stage During Political Event

Rambles On About Teddy Roosevelt, Warns Onlookers To Fear Black Man

Nashville, TN - A disoriented septuagenarian wandered onto the stage during a political discussion at Belmont University on Tuesday, plodding about awkwardly while addressing the room of complete strangers as "my friends." He proceeded to blather on incoherently for the better portion of 90 minutes about all the things he knows how to do, famous dead people with whom he claimed to have worked decades before, and the futility of efforts to nail gelatin desserts to walls.

A nearby black man humored the dementia-stricken war veteran by listening to his raving tangents with the attention of a polite grandchild, speaking up to calm everyone's obvious concern over the situation when the visibly agitated geriatric routinely fell silent every two minutes and staggered aimlessly across the stage. Between periodic gulps of water and bouts of labored breathing into a microphone he somehow managed to get his heavily veined, liver spotted hands upon, the unnaturally pale senior citizen sneered at the black man with obvious disdain before finally referring to him as "that one" and warning that the black man poses a danger to the entire country.

Evidently emerging from the haze of senility just long enough to realize there were 500 people in the room whom he was making extremely uncomfortable, the sickly old man tried to lighten the mood by cracking a poorly-received joke about his male pattern baldness, before babbling on angrily about three million dollar overhead projectors and grizzly bears in Montana.

With bystanders growing increasingly restless, some openly declaring they were worried about the security of themselves and their families, the elderly man issued a final crazed proclamation that he would soon become President of the United States of America.

His family members were ultimately located and managed to coax the doddering geezer from the stage, ushering him safely home while the black man posed for photos with other witnesses to the spectacle. No one was hurt in the incident.