McCain Camp Links Obama To Controversial 1920's Terrorist Count Orlok

Palin: Obama Wants To Kill You And Eat Your Children

Dayton, OH - The McCain campaign racheted up the attacks against Barack Obama this week in an last ditch effort to turn the tide of an election that recent polls suggest may be slipping out of reach. Following efforts by the campaign to tie Obama to such controversial figures as former Weather Underground leader William Ayers and the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin placed Obama into even shadier company Tuesday, insinuating that Obama supports the terror invoked upon the townspeople by the vampiric Count Orlok from the 1921 F.W. Murnau classic Nosferatu.

"Who is the real Barack Obama? Why won't he talk about his past? Maybe it's because he doesn't want you to know that in 5th grade he dressed up like a vampire for Halloween," said Palin. "This was his first experience going door to door to drum up support for his usual tricks and treats, and he chose to do it dressed like an undead fiend of the night, gorgin' on the blood of regular folks like you and me. I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of man who should be Commander In Chief."

McCain, while speaking in the battleground state of Virginia, took a softer tone than his attack dog running mate, stating simply, "I don't care about a washed up terrorist vampire from the '20s, but I do think the American people want to see if my opponent is going to be truthful and admit that he likes to dress up as a blood-drinking monster."

The Obama campaign released a statement conceding that the Democratic candidate did dress in a vampire costume that bore a slight resemblance to the controversial vampire during the Halloween of 1971. The statement indicates he did engage in "trick or treating," but that when he did so he was unaware of the extent of Count Orlok's alleged atrocities. Obama is quoted as calling Count Orlok's bloodthirsty acts (along with those of all vampires) "despicable" but cited that the movie was released "before I was born" and the events "are fictional."

Nevertheless, Palin continues to pull out all the stops in her attack on Obama, stating that given his support of vampiric terrorism there's no guarantee that, if elected, Obama won't "kill every American voter and eat our children alive. And that's a risk America can't afford to take."

"And why do you think it is that Obama keeps insistin' on the presidential debates only takin' place at night?" added Palin. "Could it be that he would dematerialize in the sunlight? We just don't know. Are mirrors able to capture his reflection? These are the questions he just refuses to answer."

Palin further urged all the "hockey moms and Joe Six-Packs out there" to keep sharpened wooden stakes and garlic necklaces at the ready and advocated toting crucifixes to the polls on election day.