Tuesday, September 30, 2008

McCain Suspends Campaign Until Passage Of Gallstone

Amidst slumping poll numbers,the failed political stunt of threatening to back out of last Friday's debate, and the painful realization that his running mate is the intellectual equivalent of a box of hammers, John McCain has again shaken up the race with what his aides claim will be a "game changer."

The Republican presidential hopeful has suspended his campaign until the successful passage of a pesky gallstone that has plagued the Arizona Senator for the past several weeks.

"The truth is, this stone doesn't just effect Gall Street, but it also effects Pain Street," said a wincing McCain, clutching his side. When asked what kind of medical treatment he has received, McCain responded by saying he has received the best care possible. "And it's all been covered by my health insurance, which I assume every American has. Although, when I'm President I'll see what I can do about those pesky 20% co-pays. Because of that expense, I've had to put the brakes on my plan to buy 13 matching 'Maverick' welcome mats for the front steps of my houses."

The Obama campaign immediately questioned the value of suspending his entire campaign to which McCain responded that Obama "just doesn't understand gallstones."